…and I’m utterly alone.
I saw the opera, Simon Boccanegra, at the local HD movie theater tonight by myself. I sat there and realized that I’m utterly alone and will end up dying that way. I thought about what that means and whether or not it is good or bad or inbetween. I decided that it simply is what it is and nothing more than that. It reminds me of that saying, “You are unique, just like everyone else.” It is true, we are all unique in our own way and we will all die alone, even if someone is right there beside us comforting us the whole way. Death is death. For me, it is what it is and nothing more than that.
What struck me about this was that I didn’t feel sad or depressed about this realization. What came to mind is that it would be a peaceful way to go and that there is no reason to hang on to the needs and desires lying on my deathbed. I have them now because I am still trying to find a way of letting go and may never achieve that goal. The fact that there is a way to let go of them is enough for me right now and I’ll continue working on being less attached and less driven to have or hold onto “things” instead of just enjoying them in the present.
As a geriatric therapist, I tend to work with a lot of people who are, obviously, older in life and dealing with existential issues regarding death as well as the usual therapeutic problems. Working with this population has, I hope, given me some insight into the meaning, or lack of meaning, in life. As far as I can tell, we go through life, live it the best we can, hope we don’t cause too much destruction or have too many regrets, and then let go and hope that we have done a good job.
At the end of Simon Boccanegra, the main character dies from poisoning. Before this happens, Simon is able to be forgiven by his archenemy and to forgive his other enemy. He also gives his blessings to his daughter and his former enemy to marry in peace. I think he feels that life is short and that people do the best they can and forgiveness is actually the way to salvation and freedom. What does this mean to me? I am not a parent so I won’t leave behind any kids to continue my line or my way of being and I’m content with that. Simply stated, I will die some day and I’ll be remembered by some, forgotten by most and it will be what it is and nothing more than that. And for that, I am thankful.